Being forced to do something I don’t want to do

I have to walk away from my music for now. I will be back. But leaving is not by my choice. I am being forced. My life has taken a dramatic change of course. I have endured more in 2 weeks than most people endure in a lifetime. It’s not even nature that’s causing it. The natural order of things does not apply here. Mother nature doesn’t apply here. Nothing of any sense applies. It is a brutal invasion of privacy and freedoms. Listen, we are not free. If you live in a land under a government, you are not free. No place on Earth you are free and realizing just how vulnerable you really are is terrifying and extremely concerning. I can not have peace knowing this. I don’t have peace worrying if my every move will be judged, tracked and scrutinized. I can not have peace knowing that at any time, of any day, someone can come inside my home and tell me how I should be living on a property that I own and is paid for. I can not have peace living among so many people who are not happy if you are happy. I don’t have peace and for once in my life, I realize how America is not America that it once was so very long ago. It saddens me. Monsters and villains are not just in Disney movies; they exist every day in real life.

 

Tough Times…

More good people getting attacked and knives thrown their way. Thrown by people who have sad lives and must only destroy to feel like they are in power. In reality, these people are not in control of their own lives and are broken inside. People who unselfishly care and do for others are getting stepped on. People who never ask anything in return because they aren’t about material things, favors or score cards. Good will always triumph bad. Good always wins. Bad may have its time but it’s constantly on edge, constantly looking over its shoulders, constantly trying to feed its hunger with materials and distractions, constantly worried about losing, and constantly searching for happiness.
 
You will never have what I have. I am richer than any material object. I am happier than you’ll ever be because I choose to be different. I choose to be free. You choose to conform, settle, be told what to do, and follow the norm.I’m not made for the city. This grid-like, thoughtless, assembly line. With your cookie cutter houses and your shallow Sunday confessions; you look outside your window judging everyone and everything, yet ignore the ugly inside yourself. Your jealousy and hate is the destruction of American freedoms. You should really try putting yourself into other people’s shoes sometime and show some empathy. That is what’s missing in our society. Empathy. Too much emphasis is placed on competition, material things or looks. Amazing how in the land of the free you are not, but inside I am more free than you’ll ever be. You envy my freedom to do what I please. You envy my desire to think outside the box. You stand in your cardboard thrones and stare in disgust as you watch me move freely about, while you wait for permission to breath. Here I am being forced to bend over and take a ramming of corruption up my ass from thieves who stay up late at night trying to figure out how to rape the little guy. Well I got news for them. And to all you nosey, materialistic, robotic neighbors who want everyone to look and act just like you and other jealous, sad excuses for compassionate human beings – you are the ones who are truly fucked, not I. I have a double finger salute just for you and the rest of society who all think and act the same.
 

Coming Back

Even though I never left mentally, physically I have been away from music. Life shot me a detour of 2 years. I will need to make it up and make it up fast. Several days ago I have started to unpack and try to get the my studio back up. I can honestly say that if you really love something or someone….being away will never pause the love and affection you have. It will only strenghthen your love and desire. If it’s meant to be it will always be. Time doesn’t pause and neither does love.

 

I had to not only walk away from music, but also from an album that was 70% completed. This album is really going to be my masterpiece in my career (at least I’m hoping). The artist I am recording and producing was really kind and patient enough to wait for me to finish my project so that I can fully devote 100% of my attention to the music when I came back. There was no way I could make a record with my mind and body being pulled in a million directions. So I put the album on pause and walked away. Very hard was the decision for I didn’t know if we would be able to recapture the creative window we had almost a year ago. A new studio will be used when I ultimatly finish the record with him. It’s going to be interested to try and keep all the stop & go’s sounding like one whole unit. We’ll see…. Brian Wilson has recorded some fantastic albumns in multiple studios so why not me? 🙂